Divorce Agreement...

JVegas · #1 03-04-2009, 12:59 PM

DIVORCE AGREEMENT

Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:

We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Here is a model separation agreement:

Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell (You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them).

We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood .

You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.

We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N.. but we will no longer be paying the bill.

We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.

You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World.

We'll practice trickle down economics and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.

Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you ANWAR which one of us will need whose help in 15 years..

Sincerely,

John J. Wall
Law Student and an American

P.S. Also, please take Barbara Streisand & Jane Fonda with you.

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mrkbbd · #2 03-04-2009, 01:15 PM

sounds good to me

blondboinsd · #3 03-05-2009, 12:19 AM

Stupid. They need to right that letter about right wingers and religious nut-jobs. Their FAR more dangerous

Ishniknork · #4 03-05-2009, 12:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mrkbbd

sounds good to me

Me too!

Weasel · #5 03-05-2009, 12:41 AM

I'm in...!

And the "right wingers and nut jobs" aren't denying what they are or believe in, which is why the divorce would be in order. You can keep the west coast and hollywoodland!

JCL · #6 03-05-2009, 01:43 AM

I assume that environmentalists are lumped in with those on the left side of the spectrum. Does that mean that the left gets to take all the air and the drinking water? They are natural resources, after all.

StanF18 · #7 03-05-2009, 12:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JCL

I assume that environmentalists are lumped in with those on the left side of the spectrum. Does that mean that the left gets to take all the air and the drinking water? They are natural resources, after all.

Good one JCL...

JVegas: The problem, as I see it, with this Divorce Agreement, is that it takes a very black-and-white view of the world. I used to think exactly this same way in my early 20s and was always a staunch Republican and a conservative. The "real world" is not so cut and dry. There are many, many shades of gray. So it is very possible be a proponent of capitalism, and at the same time be utterly disgusted with the state of our health care system, the high number of hard-working underinsured Americans, the health insurance companies' rampant refusal to cover basic health care procedures, etc.

Likewise, you can be staunchly pro-military (as I am), but be utterly disgusted by the no-bid contracts, the abandonment of veterans suffering from PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), and major pitfalls in the military caring for its' own. Like this infamous heart-wrenching, documented story:

A Question Of Care: Military Malpractice? - CBS News

GO ahead and watch this news report, and then tell me about how hunky-dory everything is with our country and our military.

You can love greedy corporations and Wall Street, but still feel sympathetic and humanitarian about the plight of the homeless, many of whom have fallen through the multitude of cracks in the mental health and social support system. Just think about it: You're feeling pretty good about yourself right now, right? You're in law school, maybe dating a hot chick, maybe driving a hot car, things are going great....and then...WHAM! You get hit with a couple of misfortunes...a tornado takes out your house....The Insurance Company that was "supposed" to cover your home has gone under because of the current financial mess....your car gets reposessed by the bank...then let's say you get diagnosed with a tumour on top of everything else....You get really sick, you can't work, you can't go to school, you start falling behind on your medical bills....Collection agencies are calling you left and right.....And in just a matter of months, you too wind up homeless....Among those very same homeless that you feel are not "YOUR" problem....

Trust me, most of us are just one or two misfortunes away from suffering this same fate....

So it seems to me that you CAN be disgusted with Barbara Streisand and Jane Fonda (as I am), but that doesn't mean that you need to go to the other extreme of the political spectrum. Truly what this country needs is more MODERATES....There is just no need for these far-left and far-right extreme positions. You can love your country (as I'm sure you do) and still realize that there are plenty, plenty of things that need fixing: health care coverage, homelessness, the military caring for its own, etc. And that yes, it's perfectly OK to BITCH and MOAN about those things, and it does not make you any LESS American when you do complain....In fact, I would say it makes you MORE American. Because you are trying to better this society for your children and fix those things that are broken. And from the examples I gave above, there is PLENTY that is broken.

As you get older (and wiser) you start to realize there are very few things that are black-and-white...just many, many shades of grey....Don't let far-left wackos like Sean Penn and Rosie O'Donnell drive you towards the opposite extreme of not caring about the plight of your fellow man....or looking for ways to improve the system. By the way, I've always despised Michael Moore, but I highly recommend you rent "Sicko". It won't make you any less American to watch it and to debate it....He makes some very insightful and objective observations.

Just my $0.02...

skutor · #8 03-05-2009, 01:09 PM

JVagas,
Our Lord and Savior (Jesus Christ) cared more for the poor than he did for the rich. So asked yourself, WWJD or think about your comments? Jesus also preached about His Father coming Kingdom here on the earth. You do know that when this happens, there will be no more Right or Left, conservative or Liberal, Black or White but ONLY those doing the will of his Father, Jehovah.. So lighten up guys and try to love your brothers regardless of whom they are and don't get caught up in this worldly Political system.

JVegas · #9 03-05-2009, 01:12 PM

Ok, you got me...

I didnt write the "Divorce Agreement", just thought it would be provacative enough to start conversation. Enjoy !!

Eric5273 · #10 03-05-2009, 05:48 PM

What I always find funny is that conservatives preach "less government", but yet the red states are the welfare states while the blue states are almost all donor states (meaning red states get more in federal aid than they pay in federal taxes, while blue states pay more in federal taxes than they receive back in aid).

Makes you wonder why the red states are such big spenders. If you are so conservative, then get your budgets under control and stop feeding on welfare provided to you by the blue states.

If you are against "wealth redistribution", then stop feeding on my welfare!! (I live in NY, and my business is in NJ) Obviously each state should only receive back what they pay, right? Any other way is clearly "wealth redistribution"

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