Now I did it
 

I was trying to clear a service engine soon light.
I used a cheap code reader. Something in the reader caused many systems to not
work. I think it shorted out.
The code reader went dead and the car alarm went off.

These systems now do not work

The console door lock button
Rear window lifts.
Self level suspension light is on
Steering servotronic
ODB socket
Front window wipers.
Key fob door lock buttons (car starts)

I checked every system and the fuses look good.
I can’t get to the fuses in the cargo area because the hatch won’t unlock.

Now what?

Double check fuse F14 as that powers both OBD socket and body module (GM3) and most of those symptoms point to GM3.

F60 through the GM operates the console button, door locks, and rear doors. The hatch has a manual bypass. The "pull string" if located on the right rear side. Crawl through the rear right door. Reach for the little plastic square on the upper boot. Pull on it. The cover is attached to a plastic sting to open it.
You need wiring diagrams. Next look at the power distribution fuses ahead of the general fuses. Most of them are in the spare tire location.

I was going to ask if that manual release works if the rear hatch is electronically locked. Meaning, does it unlock the hatch and then open it?

PSA... info requested to avoid code reader problems
 

Just as a Public Service Announcement, and as a favor to other BMW owners with less than stellar diagnostic equipment (including myself, with only an Innova 3100i and Foxwell NT510 Elite, and no PC with INPA, ISTA, etc software), could you identify the cheap code reader that you used? It may help someone else avoid your calamity.

There are crummy readers out there, especially if less than $50, or perhaps not compatible with BMW at all. I only use my Innova for general checks of OBD2 readiness monitors, and use the Foxwell for more-specific items, requiring programming for the manufacturers involved (my Foxwell came with GM programming, and I purchased BMW programming later...all my vehicles are now covered).

I don't think the hatch has a lock. It's only electrically opened so there is no need. The backup is a direct cable to the latch.

Exactly,
That was the culprit.
My code reader that failed my mutt started to chew on the cord.
I got it before the beheading.
It was foolish to use it.

Thanks guys.

Get a decent reader like foxwell 510

I have one.

Too lazy to walk out to the shop.

Step one: admit your problem.

:-)

Once you de-lazy, get the proper tool and keep it in your glovebox and away from the dog!