Bullying - Parents only- request advice.... - Page 2

MrLabGuy · #11 03-10-2008, 03:24 AM

Good job. Sounds like you've come up with a solution which does not require a large stick. Self defense classes are still a good idea because they build confidence. A good self defense class will teach the difference between protecting himself and fighting to solve a problem. Had I been in your shoes when some bully was hitting my son in the face with a ball I would have been pissed as well. That said, teaching a 4 year old violence is a way to solve a problem is not a great idea in my opinion.

My father was very violent and a former resident at San Quentin Prison. If you don't know about that prison it was where Charles Manson was held and has a reputation of being one of the worst of the worst. I remember once when I was young some bullies took my bike. I told my dad and his solution was to hand me a piece of lumber with a nail in the end with the instructions to come back with the bike or HE would kick my ass. Let's just say I came back with the bike. I was about 7 years old. The two kids nearly wet their pants. Though I got what I wanted I never felt comfortable with using violence as a means to an ends. I guess because violence was a regular part of growing up. I'd rather my son take a different path in life and I'm going to do everything in my power to teach him respect for himself and others. That does not mean being weak...It means having confidence, temperance, prudence and justice.

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statdoc · #12 03-10-2008, 05:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LVR

She has informed her friend that we are considering teaching our son to properly defend himself, in Tae Kwon Do 3-6 year old classes.
<snip>
Having re-read my original post, I can see my anger in threatening to teach my son to be offensive, however that is not what we are about and think we have dealt with it properly. We will assess what is happening and how he plays one on one with some of the other boys before we commit on self defence classes.

LVR, I am glad you have come to a conclusion you are comfortable with, but I still think you have missed something in what I said. In my earlier post, you will note my son was a 7 year old BLACK BELT in TKD (the youngest his instructors had ever granted). In spite of that, he was allowing himself to be hit and mistreated by bullies, because of the teaching of school that "fighting is bad". No allowances made for self-defense; all parties are wrong, period. My son knew the techniques for breaking bones; he didn't have the mindset to even punch back. We have, obviously, addressed that and he no longer has a "sheep" mentality. I am afraid that if you and your wife don't come together and strongly help your son to understand that violence is sometimes required (not desired, but required), you will accomplish little. He may go to TKD, and learn very pretty choreography, get in good shape, and gain some belts, but still be a victim if someone attacks him. It has to start with mindset, and being willing to do whatever is needed to avoid harm to yourself or your loved ones. Otherwise, you can be someone's dinner.

vinuneuro · #13 03-10-2008, 05:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by statdoc

I am afraid that if you and your wife don't come together and strongly help your son to understand that violence is sometimes required (not desired, but required), you will accomplish little.

It has to start with mindset, and being willing to do whatever is needed to avoid harm to yourself or your loved ones. Otherwise, you can be someone's dinner.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrLabGuy

..teach him respect for himself and others. That does not mean being weak...It means having confidence, temperance, prudence and justice.

MrLabGuy · #14 03-10-2008, 05:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrLabGuy

Good job. Sounds like you've come up with a solution which does not require a large stick. Self defense classes are still a good idea because they build confidence. A good self defense class will teach the difference between protecting himself and fighting to solve a problem. Had I been in your shoes when some bully was hitting my son in the face with a ball I would have been pissed as well. That said, teaching a 4 year old violence is a way to solve a problem is not a great idea in my opinion.

My father was very violent and a former resident at San Quentin Prison. If you don't know about that prison it was where Charles Manson was held and has a reputation of being one of the worst of the worst. I remember once when I was young some bullies took my bike. I told my dad and his solution was to hand me a piece of lumber with a nail in the end with the instructions to come back with the bike or HE would kick my ass. Let's just say I came back with the bike. I was about 7 years old. The two kids nearly wet their pants. Though I got what I wanted I never felt comfortable with using violence as a means to an ends. I guess because violence was a regular part of growing up. I'd rather my son take a different path in life and I'm going to do everything in my power to teach him respect for himself and others. That does not mean being weak...It means having confidence, temperance, prudence and justice.

LOL...Oops. X5world was acting up last night and I did not think this post went through. I had second thoughts after writing this on such a public forum due to the personal nature. Now that it is out there I've decided to leave it here. I'm all about keeping it real and I'm not ashamed in the least bit about my life. I had no control or choice in my parents and being born to heroin addicts made me face challenges growing up you can't learn in a book.

statdoc · #15 03-10-2008, 05:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrLabGuy

I had no control or choice in my parents and being born to heroin addicts made me face challenges growing up you can't learn in a book.

I heard this bit of philosophy on a movie yesterday: It doesn't matter who my father was. It only matters who I am.

LVR · #16 03-10-2008, 08:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by statdoc

LVR, I am glad you have come to a conclusion you are comfortable with, but I still think you have missed something in what I said. In my earlier post, you will note my son was a 7 year old BLACK BELT in TKD (the youngest his instructors had ever granted). In spite of that, he was allowing himself to be hit and mistreated by bullies, because of the teaching of school that "fighting is bad". No allowances made for self-defense; all parties are wrong, period. My son knew the techniques for breaking bones; he didn't have the mindset to even punch back. We have, obviously, addressed that and he no longer has a "sheep" mentality. I am afraid that if you and your wife don't come together and strongly help your son to understand that violence is sometimes required (not desired, but required), you will accomplish little. He may go to TKD, and learn very pretty choreography, get in good shape, and gain some belts, but still be a victim if someone attacks him. It has to start with mindset, and being willing to do whatever is needed to avoid harm to yourself or your loved ones. Otherwise, you can be someone's dinner.

I do take your point.... I had actually neglected to say that we have also adjusted our house rules immediately. Whereas before I would shut down any behaviour that was overly rough, now we take it outside. Last night when I arrived home from work I steered my son outside and during play told him that roughhouse is ok, but only outside (he had a huge time)... playing inside means no legs (kicking out etc). As he is only a 4 yr old I will introduce the concept of having a go and being more robust over the next weeks, rather than move his boudaries overnight. Otherwise I think it will confuse him with mixed messages.

Some adult mates of mine who are both martial artists have recommended that we do put him into classes straight away to help him learn balance (physical) and confidence. They also pointed out that he SHOULD become proficient in some form of art as it is a more violent world today than that we all grew up in... ie unprovoked assaults are nearly an everyday occurance these days at the pubs...

Cheers

cmyX6go · #17 03-10-2008, 08:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LVR

Some adult mates of mine who are both martial artists have recommended that we do put him into classes straight away to help him learn balance (physical) and confidence. They also pointed out that he SHOULD become proficient in some form of art as it is a more violent world today than that we all grew up in... ie unprovoked assaults are nearly an everyday occurance these days at the pubs...

Cheers

I have respected your parent only request so far. I was also raised the way you are raising your son.

I agree with the martial arts route 100%. He has a great basis with the respect you have taught him thus far. He will learn when and how to use his "power" and respect the power he has.

Good luck

statdoc · #18 03-10-2008, 11:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LVR

They also pointed out that he SHOULD become proficient in some form of art as it is a more violent world today than that we all grew up in... ie unprovoked assaults are nearly an everyday occurance these days at the pubs...

Very good. If you do all this, and remain consistent, he should do fine.

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