Who do you let drive your X or BMW?

smileyboy · #1 02-01-2011, 01:09 PM

I have a bit of a complication..... I love my wife and I like cars too.... namely BMWs.

My wife on the other hand looks at cars as just that.... a car. I don't disagree, but I think they should be taken care. Meaning, she doesn't like cars that need more than usual maintenance, drives and talks on the phone with a lot less focus on the driving part.

Example.... our old 325ix she would drive to work daily... She told me after we sold it that, she would tap the wall of the parking garage with the bumper of the car to make sure she was in to the spot as far as she would go. Then she says" thats what its for right?"

She drives a 06 TDI Jetta currently. 2x now she is on the phone, pulls into the driveway and runs into my Landcruiser..... She and my truck are fine. However, she ran into the hitch.... which dented her bumper 2x......

She's not dumb(she's an RN, has a bachelors degree.... I could go on and on.)....... she just seems to think she has more control than she does or something. Everytime I bring up the topic she gets upset with me for saying anything because I make her feel dumb.

I'm totally the opposite. I do all maintenance on vehicles meticulously, vehicles are kept clean, i park away from everyone else, so I don't have dents and dings in the parking lot...... etc

My concern is that when it snows she is going to want to drive the X5.... She has gotten to take my Land Cruiser to work sometimes and I usually just wait to hear some horror story or how she jacked up the car. It has never happened yet.

Point is, it seems a little difficult to avoid the inevitable of, no you can't drive my car... But, i would be happy to buy you snow tires....

Her family is the same way. They all have pretty junky cars and in general just don't take care of them.... I feel like such a jerk when her dad or brother ask to borrow any of our cars and I say no....

Am I wrong on this?

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Naz24 · #2 02-01-2011, 01:19 PM

I dont think youre wrong. I have a difficult time lending my car to my brother, as my friend says "it looks like a pinata exploded in his car" I did lend it to him once--for two days. It came back with 350 more miles, and empty water bottles everywhere. Thats the last time i'll do that!

As for you wife, I'd be concerned with her safety as number 1. As long as you feel safe that she is safe in her jetta or land cruiser in the snow, i dont see the issue. She probably feels uncomfortable driving your car anyway--i'd bet that since she knows youre very meticulous about it that she'd be scared to mess anything up in it.

My opinion is, your car is your car--unless extenuating circumstances say otherwise.. And if she does approach you to drive your car, just stay calm and remind her how meticuous you are, and as long as she respects that she can drive it..

but then again, i'm not married--so what the hell do i know?!

smileyboy · #3 02-01-2011, 01:39 PM

It just runs in the family I guess. Her bro used my Land Cruiser last year to go pickup a few bikes. A few min later he came back said he left something at the house. Well I looked outside and my truck is sitting in the middle of the street, driver door open and the engine is on..... That was it I went outside parked my truck and told him he couldn't use it. Wife got made at me for that one.

Her safety is no 1. Just a little difficult to tell your wife I love u just don't touch my car. Lol.

GoVols! · #4 02-01-2011, 02:02 PM

My advise is to tread carefully. My wife considers herself to be an excellent driver even though the car she had before we got married had tree/pole dents, missing hubcaps, trashed interior, etc. Her current Pontiac looks like a bomb went off in it. I clean it up good twice a year to keep it in decent condition but I gave up keeping it clean day-to-day a long time ago. I rarely drive it, so I figure if she wants it that way, fine. The X I keep spotless, dustless, etc. She did decide to take the dog to the groomer one day in it without his box and the fight was not pretty when I got home and my spotless black interior X is covered in white dog hair. We don't even talk about her driving or car care anymore because it leads to fights that don't fix anything anyway. If we go on a trip in the X, I'll log all 2000 miles. She sleeps. Perfect arrangement.

The problem is that, other than being a slob on the inside, she cautious to the point that she freezes if someone else does something stupid or there is an obstacle to avoid. Big pothole in her lane? She drives right through it. Someone swerves into her lane? She's in the ditch around a tree. She is a very defensive driver but has no clue how to saftely perform evasive maneuvers.

Tread carefully friend, tread carefully.

JCL · #5 02-01-2011, 02:05 PM

She sounds like an accident waiting to happen. Parking by sound, hitting parked cars, talking on the phone while driving distracted.... She doesn't necessarily sound dumb, just sounds like many drivers out there.

Seems you should make sure she is driving the safest vehicle possible, if she is indeed #1.

My BMW is available any time for my wife, and her BMW is available any time for me. They are just cars.

Brisbane · #6 02-01-2011, 02:06 PM

We have two X5s- a 2001 4.4 and a 2008 4.8. The old one is really "my" car- it has 108,000 miles and, every Winter, I put the snow tires on it. But guess who drives it when it snows? And guess who didn't want to get snow tires for her car last August when they were available?

And guess who had living hell driving a 4.8 with 20 inch run flats home in the snow last week?? I got stuck twice. Damned embarrasing.

She eats Nappa leather for breakfast and thinks the passenger footwell is a garbage can. But she does do other things right. I've been married for 31 years....

JCL · #7 02-01-2011, 02:08 PM

Exactly. 27 years here.

If she hasn't changed yet, she isn't going to change now. Learn to live with it, or not.

smileyboy · #8 02-01-2011, 02:19 PM

Good to know I'm not crazy or alone in this. I guess it would be easier for her just to drive it than to talk about it...

smileyboy · #9 02-01-2011, 03:09 PM

Lol

FSETH · #10 02-01-2011, 03:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlexK

Put some parking distance sensors on your cars, see if it helps

I had to replace two of our rear parking sensors when my wife backed over a barrell. Ironic, isn't it?

My wife is a sort of the same way as the OP's. She is fairly oblivious to anything car related. As long as it looks nice and doesn't make any strange noises that distract her from her cell phone calls, she is happy. Our footwells and door compartments are stuffed with water bottles, energy bar wrappers, business cards, tissues, etc. I really need to clean it out as soon as it warms up a bit. At the end of the day though, I feel good knowing she is driving a safe car, so I have trained myself to overlook tiny scratches and blemishes in the process.

When I replace my daily driver in the near future, it will most likley be with a car I am very passionate about like an e46 M3, which could make me cringe a little if she wanted to drive it often. She would of course be welcome to drive whatever vehicles we have, but I would be a little more on edge about a car I have dreamed about for years. For now, she is more than welcome to skip the X5 and drive my e36 17 year old, 320,000+ mile beater, um...I mean high performance luxury, sedan whenever she wants.

As far as other people are concerned, I use my own personal discretion. If it is someone who generally takes care of their possessions and I trust them, then sure they can borrow/drive my cars. If they are known to abuse thier automobiles, etc., then no sir.

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