I so feel your pain man. Took a a sledge and a 4x4 block against the hub on all three for me. Third one was the bonus round because I thought I screwed one up putting it in, so I took it out to inspect the bearings, etc. and found out it was fine. They may not want to turn by hand more than 30 deg or so when you test them when the car is up in the air. I think the inner joints catch on the lip of “cups” they ride in when they are hanging down beyond normal suspension travel.

Sounds stupid now, but I was down to one brain cell at that point. At any rate, with every blow the sledge will force the hub onto the axle by a tiny fraction. Once you can catch 3 or so turns on the nut then I was able to (carefully at first) pull it through with the nut. I have a 350 ft-lb impact if you need it to get them to final torque. I figured it would be a more useful tool to buy then a single use giant torque wrench!

Very common issue. Almost always the c clip.

If you didn't jam it too hard to remove, pull it off remove the c clip and test fit without it.

Then swap c clip from old axle, install with the opening of the c clip down. Get it to where the c clip binds and hit with 3# hammer to set. It should go in with 3 hits. If it doesn't pull it out and tweak the c clip. The last one I did took 3 different clips before I got it on.

Thanks for all the suggestions. It’s actually the hub side I’m talking about. It didn’t take me but a few tries to get both axles into the differential.

I’ve taken a wire brush, brake cleaner, PB blaster, and a file to the splines but no luck. I can actually see how far the splines reach within the hub from the wear marks on the ID of the hub (the innermost surface of the splines). Seems to me the tolerance is just very tight and it’s possible I’m just not able to get it to go in 100% straight. I considered taking some sand paper to the inner portion of the hub, but decided to just get the right tool and save myself the same headache for the future. I never would have guessed they were like this, though. The oem axles slide into the hubs just like any other car I’ve done this on.

Yeah I was able to get the driver’s side far enough in to catch the threads and the rest worked it’s way in with some (in my opinion) excessive torque. But that passenger side one is a good 3/4” inside the hub still after giving it all I have. I even removed the brake rotor and tried using a C-clamp between the hub and the back side of the axle cup, and it didn’t budge.

Last time I torqued these, I was able to do it with a breaker bar, body weight, and some math :) I changed the hubs and wheel bearings a while back

Sounds like the axle is out of spec.
I generally use OE/OEM parts from FCP but
when I had to do the oil pan gasket last summer I did go cheap on Advanced Auto axles, had no problems with them going in. The originals had 220K miles on them and I had redone the outer boot on one a few years ago and the other side needed one then...
they went in smooth.

What did you do to / for your E53 today??
 

I have a tool I made for cleaning splines.

I cut off the end of an old axle. I ground off about .003" all the way around except for about 1/3" about 1/2" fromm the end.

I will pound that through the hub rotating about 1/8th a turn putting in pb blaster or the like.

I will repeat until I don't need a hammer and can just push though with my thumb.

Then I will pinch a tiny bit of steel wool on one "side" (eg 3 o'clock), and work that though with a hammer and rotate to 4:30, 6:00 etc.

When done with that treatment, the axle will drop right though the hub every time.

Oh: the best tip for getting an axle though a hub:

Leave the tower strut nuts loose until you get the axle though the hub.

One day I was having as much trouble as you. Spent 90 minutes trying to get the axle though the hub, loosened the strut tower bolts and the rubber boot from the CV shot the axle though without me touching it!

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I keep the tool with my mechanics tools. I always run that though the hub before reinstalling.

I've had a couple cases of needing to apply 15T of force to remove a hub. FYI you can make your own axle press from an old rotor and a large bolt. I have a special setup I use I can find pictures if it will help

First oil change of the year. I've been using a Russian based oil previously and been very pleased with it, but due to the sanctions it's not available anymore so trying out Magnatec 5W-40 for now.

Non-Heated to Heated Steering Wheel
 

Finally did the heated steering wheel conversion, including new clock-spring and that damn relay behind the fuse block.

I found a heated sport wheel at the junkyard a while back and finally got around to doing the retrofit. I didn't have the correct clock-spring so that had to be replaced as well. Both of those installs were relatively straightforward. The thing that literally took blood, sweat and tears was installing the relay. Removing the glovebox and removing the fuse block took HOURS. There are screws in truly masochistic locations. Finally got it done, but my glovebox doesn't close properly now. Grrr.

Anyway, new steering wheel is in. I had the X3 M steering wheel in before and I'm truly heartbroken to see it go. The X5 sport steering wheel feels so thin compared to the X3, it's a little hard to get used to, but the heater works like a champ. Of course I'll be on the lookout for the holy grail: an X3 M heated wheel. One day…

Easier than my method; exchange entire car for e70 model.

I was trying to work out what you did for years. Was envious of wife's heated wheel. Worth every bit of effort it you live north of 41°.

I am not a big fan of the after thought appearance of the airbag on the sport heated vs. the sport non heated wheel (where the airbag is melded right into the wheel). It was a prime factor of keeping the unheated wheel. But like the effort to install the relay, it would be worth it!

When I figured out that my aux fan fuse was actually behind the glove box (and not in the location that the manual says) I had to remove this, and to this day the glove box does not close correctly.