X5 stalled/set codes while being inspected!

[workingonit]

I drove to get my '01 E53 inspected (emissions, safety) for the last time (it'll be 25 years old next year, and not subject to the emissions requirements). It drove fine, all the parameters I monitor at all times were within specs (I use a tablet with Torque Pro running on it), and even the "emissions monitors" were reading "complete".

Then, when the inspector plugged his inspection computer into my OBD port, the engine started to stumble (never had done that before) and eventually died, with no response to me pressing the accelerator pedal. it set a MIL light, would crank OK, but no start.

After we pushed it out into the parking lot, I checked underhood, and found nothing amiss, but since it seemed like it was not getting air/fuel/spark (it has to be one of them!), I tried using my backup MAF sensor (my first response, due to having MAF problems for the past 4 years). No change, so I re-installed the Siemens MAF, since it has been working great, prior to this.

Torque Pro reported the MAF problem (because I had unplugged it), and for some reason the code reader function stalled-out at 79%, so I got out my Foxwell NT510 Elite, and went thru everything for an hour. There were 10 codes in many modules, including motor, immobilizer, Kombi, etc., none of which had been there before (except for a BD code in the Kombi, which comes and goes, but means nothing).

I reset everything, and no code returned while cranking, but still no start. I looked at BMW-specific, OBD, and even History sections, and nothing showed up as an error, but the MIL never went off.

I tried some bi-directional tests, and the SAP never tried to start, nor did the fuel system relay ever kick in. Individual injectors went active upon testing, but I never heard the fuel pump whine. Is there a specific activation for it?, I never saw one.

i had it flat-bed towed home, $120 out-of-pocket (never could reach AAA), so now it sits where it got dumped in my driveway.

Where do I go from here: fuel system relay?, check the fuel rail Schrader for pressure?, spray starter fluid into the intake while cranking? HELP