Okay, I just realised that the vacuum solenoid I have been messing with - thinking it was for the mounts - is actually the EGR solenoid at the front top of the engine right by the egr cooler DUHHHH!
So where is the engine mount solenoid located? From the bottom of the car I follow the vacuum line up from the mounts as far as I can, and it feels like it goes behind something on the engine and I lose it. Can't figure this out for the life of me
I did notice that when I use a piece of my own vac hose and connect direct to a vac pipe at the top of the engine and run that down and connect direct to the mounts, the car is much much much smoother at anything but idle. Normally I get vibrations upto around 1400-1500rpm, but with the constant source of vac going to the mounts it only vibrates in idle.